Do you ever find yourself thinking "I wish I wanted to WANT to have sex more often"?
Let’s be real—sometimes the spark doesn’t feel like it’s just flickering… it feels like it’s out cold, buried under laundry piles, toddler toys, and the glare of late-night screen time. And if you’re here, you might be in that in-between place of wanting to want to have sex again. You love your partner. You crave closeness. But your body and brain aren’t always on the same page—and that’s okay, I'm here to help!
This article is for the women trying to reconnect with their desire and for the men who want to be part of creating that space—not just expecting it.
Your Bedroom Is Your Energy— Set the Scene
Think of your bedroom as sacred space. Not just for sleep, TV or scrolling, but a place that holds your intimacy, your restoration, and your connection. In what ways are the two of you being intentional about your bedroom energy and vibe?
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Log off to turn on. The quickest way to kill the vibe is a phone glowing in your face or a TV buzzing in the background. Try unplugging an hour before bed. Charge phones outside the bedroom if you can. Let your mind begin to settle into something more sensual, more present. And, if you can bear it, take the television out of your room completely. OR set the intention that during your one hour of 'pillow talk time' the TV can only be used for playing light, calm, healing music.
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Declutter your space. A messy bedroom often equals a busy mind. Make the bed. Clear the nightstand. Maybe even add soft dimmable lighting or a candle that smells like peace.
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Pet-free, kid-free zone. We love them dearly—but when you’re never alone, it’s hard to feel like a sensual being. Set gentle boundaries when you can. This doesn’t make you a bad parent or pet owner. It makes you someone who values intimacy. I realize this is easier said that done, so I highly recommend starting with one night a week where it's just the two of you.
Go to Bed Before You’re Exhausted
It’s hard to connect when the only thing you can think about is sleep. Instead of dragging yourself to bed at midnight, try heading there 60 minutes earlier. Not with pressure to “perform,” but just to be together. To talk. To cuddle. To remember that your relationship isn’t just a to-do list.
My pro-tip- when you cuddle touch as much skin-to-skin as possible!
This is when pillow talk becomes powerful. It’s often where emotional intimacy returns—where laughter, storytelling, or even quiet silence start to bring your nervous system back into balance.
Use Sound to Shift the Mood
Music affects our mood deeply. Try adding gentle spa music, sound bowls, or light instrumental piano to the background of your evenings. These aren’t just “nice touches”—they’re signals to your brain that it’s safe to slow down, that this moment is different. Romantic. Nourishing. Intimate.
So you can truly focus on each other.
Spotify or YouTube have great playlists like “Evening Wind Down,” “Sound Bath for Sleep,” or “Sensual Chill.” Try them out and see what resonates.
For the Men: Ambiance Is Not Optional
To the men reading this: if you’re craving more connection, start by setting the scene. Clean the room. Light the candle. Put on the playlist. Invite her into a space that feels emotionally safe, sensually inviting, and calm—not one that feels like another job. You might be impressed for how much this easy act of service turns her, and you, on!
Women often need to feel connected emotionally before their bodies can even begin to relax. It’s not about grand gestures—it’s about presence, care, and intentional energy.
Desire Is a Slow Burn, Not a Light Switch
This isn’t about faking it or forcing sex to happen. It’s about creating conditions where desire can safely return. If you’re a woman who doesn’t “feel like it” lately—give yourself grace. And also give yourself the gift of space, softness, and possibility.
If you’re a man who misses your partner’s touch—become the kind of partner who helps her feel like a goddess again. Not through pressure, but through patience and presence.
You don’t need to go from zero to full-blown honeymoon phase passion overnight. Just start with creating the vibe. The environment. The invitation. Desire may not be a switch—but it absolutely responds to mood, space, and energy. And when we get intentional about those? That’s when we begin to want to want to again.
Sexual Health is not a Dirty Word,
VALGINA
www.VALGINA.com